My Supports

My People

I do not have any family left, except for my younger sister, Owen, and my son. This has been very hard on me. I often feel scared because I remember the feeling of knowing I had people older, wiser, and more secure to fall back on in times of need. I don't have this anymore, and the knowledge of once having something and now being without is terrifying. With all this being said, I can say that I now treasure deeper the few relationships I do presently have. I hold onto them, cherish them and nurture them. Emotionally, they are there to hear my thoughts and my heart. Practically, they are there as human connection, a link to my past, parts of my future. Physically, they are able to assist in all aspects of living, from child raising to lending a hand.
If they were gone... Oh my, what a terrible thing to ponder. Deep loneliness. Yes, deep loneliness. Having a true connection, I mean a true true true connection to another being is so rare and so sacred, I believe. It keeps us alive, it gives us meaning, it gives us hope. I can no longer postulate on this scenario, it's too devastating.

The challenge I chose to imagine is if I spoke a different language from everyone in the area I was living in, and no one else could understand me. Sitting and daydreaming about this scenario actually brought me strong feelings of frustration, helplessness, and fear. This is truly being Alone, even though there are many bodies around you.Tasks as simple as making a quick phone call, wanting to ask a simple question at the store, speaking to other parents about their kids coming over to play with my son, needing to know where a bathroom was, needing directions, wanting to read a book perhaps... these would all totally be out of reach. Such terrible isolation all around.
Now, I imagine many people in my make-believe land telling me to "learn Our language!" Easier said than done most of the time. And what about the feelings of pride around the language I speak? Feelings of pride for my child to know the language? He probably very easily could learn both. It's, usually, more difficult for adults, and even if they do try, it just takes time. They'll get there, I'll get there in my make-believe land I'm sure, but in the meantime... where's the translators? Where's the Help? The Support? The kindness? So helpless indeed.